A Biblical Look at Marriage

Introduction: A Good Marriage 

• Everyone knows a good marriage when they see one. We’re not talking about the unrealistic marriages we read about, watch from afar, or even fantasize about, but the ones we all see up close and personal with two ordinary people who are living in a loving marriage and making it look so good.

 

• We know it when we see it, and we want it too. Clearly, it’s not that easy, or these types of real-life, happily-ever-after marriage stories would be the rule and not the exception.

 

• Marriages struggle all around us, leading to a plethora of marriage books, marriage counselors, and marriage help in all possible forms. Divorce is at an all-time high, even among Christians. Marriage is hard and imperfect. There are no guarantees.

 

• Some might even say that marriage itself is under attack. People say it’s an outdated institution that is unnecessary, pointless, antiquated, and downright foolish. Why even bother with such a thing when it seems to be fraught with such misery, struggle and grief - at least more often than not?
  
  
  • It’s a question that deserves an answer, and as Christians, we can turn to God’s word to find it.

 

• God’s word talks about marriage from beginning to end. The first marriage is found in the opening chapters of Genesis, taking place in the Garden of Eden between the very first humans created by God. We also find marriage in the last pages of scripture as well, in the book of Revelation during the marriage supper of the lamb.

 

• Marriage is a critical element of the lives of the people written about throughout the scriptures, and the struggles they faced are some that we face even today. Jesus spoke about marriage and the Apostle Paul had a ton to say on the subject all throughout his letters to the early church.

 

• Marriage must be important for God to include it so prominently all over the scriptures. It’s not antiquated, irrelevant, or foolish. It’s designed by God and it is good.

 
Chapter 1: Marriage in the Garden 

• God created the world and declared it to be “very good,” and yet something was missing. Despite the perfect garden, abundant vegetation, countless creatures roaming the earth, and the very presence of God himself, Adam was alone. It was not at all good for Adam to live a solitary life.

 

• Adam needed a companion, a helper, and a friend, so God created a woman and gave Adam a wife. This marriage in the garden was unlike any other. It was perfect in every way, created by God and untainted by the sin that was to come. And before it was about anything else, it was about companionship.

 

• The solution to man’s loneliness was a wife. Marriage is about friendship, companionship, and partnership. The man needs a helper to do things he cannot do, and the wife needs the same.

 

• This perfect partnership forged in the garden would soon be marred by the fall. Sin enters the world and enters the marriage, causing trouble and chaos and pain. It still does today, and we see it all around us.

 

• Yet, a marriage built on friendship first and foremost is a beautiful thing.

Would you describe your marriage as primarily a friendship? Is your spouse first and foremost your closest companion? We may not always think of our marriage in such terms, but marriage was designed by God to meet the need of loneliness.

• Marriage is the unique relationship that God designed to resolve loneliness. Not only does marriage uniquely meet the need for companionship, love, and intimacy, but it is a picture of the Gospel itself as husband and wife love each other, sacrifice for each other, and forgive each other.

 
Chapter 2: Two Becoming One 

• The Bible goes so far as to describe the unity of marriage as “two becoming one flesh,” and this unique relationship is only to be attained within marriage. No other relationship on earth is called to such unity, not even the deep bonds between parent and child, siblings, or lifelong friends.

 

• Two individuals become one, but of course they maintain their individuality as people and are responsible before God for their own sins. They become unified with their spouse within marriage in a relationship like no other, described by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians Chapter 5 where he says:
  
  
  • “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.”

 

• Husband and wife are to love each other as they love themselves. They are to care for each other, cherish each other, and love each other completely. Adam and Eve were completely safe in each other’s company, treating each other blamelessly according to the Golden Rule long before Jesus ever spoke it.

 

• The two becoming one flesh is lived out physically within the intimacy of the marriage bed. This physical act of unification was designed by God to be a beautiful, pleasurable, and fruitful expression of love within the safety of marriage.

 

• We all know how sin has corrupted this union. Sex has been removed from marriage entirely. The holiness of it has been degraded. It has been cheapened and turned into a thing taken far too lightly. At its worst, it has been made abusive, hurtful, and destructive.

 

• The marriage union is holy because God has designed it to be special. The unity between husband and wife is like no other relationship. Part of the wedding ceremony often includes a warning that “marriage is not to be entered into lightly” for good reason.

 

• Loving your spouse as you love yourself is the charge of marriage. Becoming one with each other is the reality of the relationship. It is a beautiful, Godly arrangement that is to be cherished.

 
Chapter 3: The Marriage Covenant 

• “What God has joined together let not man separate” is commonly spoken at the end of a wedding ceremony, but few people realize they are the very words of Jesus. He spoke these words to counter the trick question posed to him by religious leaders.

 

• God has joined a man and woman together in marriage. Man should not separate it. Marriage is a covenant relationship designed by God to last a lifetime.
  
  
  • Divorce was as common in Jesus’ day as it is today. We live in a disposable world where nothing seems to last. Items are discarded and contracts are broken. It is not to be so with marriage.

 

• The writer of the book of Hebrews says in Chapter 13 that marriage is to be honored. It is a serious, sacred relationship. It should be entered into with total commitment and left only in extreme situations where there is no other course of action.

 

• This covenant relationship is holy, set apart by God as a unique human bond that should last a lifetime. Yet sin entered the world corrupting marriage, and divorce is a part of that.
  
  
  • Jesus himself tells the leaders in Mark 10:5 that Moses had to write exceptions for divorce into the law because of the hardness of sinful hearts.

 

• Marriage is meant to last a lifetime, since it is a covenant relationship designed by God to display the Gospel.
  
  
  • Do you feel that you and your spouse are in a covenant relationship with each other, committed to each other “till death do you part?”
    
    
  • Are you living out the Gospel in your relationship, or are you struggling in your commitment?

 

• The Gospel is about love, grace, sacrifice, and forgiveness. It’s about Jesus laying down his life for his beloved, the church. It is about God putting the needs of his children above his own. It is about a covenant relationship between God and his people that will last for eternity.

 
 Chapter 4: Walking in Love 

• In Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul gives some of the most direct instructions about how to live a Godly life.
  
  
  • The last portion of that chapter is specific commands to husbands and wives. However, making to-do and not-to-do lists based on this chapter would be a mistake without paying special attention to the first couple of verses.

 

• Paul opens this passage by telling us to walk in love. But not just any love. We are to walk in the same love that Christ has shown to us.
  
  
  • The love of Christ is not romantic love, although that kind of love is a gift within marriage. It is also not brotherly love, though we’ve already discussed how marriage is about this kind of friendship, companionship, and affection.

 

• The love of Christ was displayed on the cross, where he suffered and died for the sins of the world.  John 3:16 tells us, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

 

• This kind of love shown to us by Jesus is what we are to emulate, according to Paul. It should be the umbrella that covers all of our human relationships, especially marriage. Everything we do in our marriage should be done out of love.

 

• So, when Paul tells us later in Ephesians 5 that wives are to respect their husbands, even using the dreaded word submission, it should be done with the love of Christ. When Paul tells husbands to love, cherish, and nourish their wives, it should be done out of this love.
  
  
  • The husband should be willing to lay down his very life out of love for his wife, just like Jesus did for us.

 

• The love of Christ is first and foremost sacrificial, coming from a heart of utter humility. Paul tells us in Philippians 2 that we are to emulate this kind of sacrificial love in our relationships.
  
  
  • Jesus put aside his rightful place equal to God and humbled himself by becoming a man and giving up his very life on the cross. This is the love we are to live out within our marriages.

 

• Are you walking in love in your marriage and loving your spouse the way Christ loves you? If not, what is keeping you from this kind of sacrificial love?
  
  
  • It’s often said that marriage is a 50/50 arrangement with each spouse doing 50% of the work. If we are to walk with the love of Jesus in our marriages, then it should be more like 100/100, with each partner sacrificing all for the other out of love.

 
 Chapter 5: The Greatest of These 

• It’s easy to assume that the scripture most often read during the wedding ceremony must be 1 Corinthians 13. This well-known passage on love written by the Apostle Paul is beautiful, poetic, and inspiring. It’s the perfect words to be spoken before a bride and groom as they begin their new life together.

 

• Imagine how differently marriages would look if these words spoken over a husband and wife on their wedding day were lived out by them in the hard days to follow. We wouldn’t need all those marriage books, counselors, and attorneys!

 

• The passage tells us that love is patient. Some versions use the word longsuffering. Two flawed, sinful people living together in such a close relationship will need to be patient with one another, suffering long through the challenges that will surely come.

 

• This love should also be marked by kindness. It sounds so simplistic and trite, but being kind to your spouse goes a long way toward showing how much you love them. Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”
  
  
  • Compliment her new dress. Bring him a cup of coffee. Empty the dishwasher without expecting a thank you. Forgive quickly and easily, remembering how God has forgiven you.

 

• Love isn’t envious, boastful, or proud. It’s not dishonorable or self-seeking. Rather, it is content, humble, and subservient. It puts the needs of your beloved before your own. It thinks the best of the other person, rather than the worst. We are to remember that we are sinners in need of a savior, just like our spouse is.

 

• This love is slow to anger and keeps no record of wrong. We should show grace to our spouse, forgiving and forgetting quickly and often. This is how the holy God treats us and calls us to treat others, especially our spouse.

 

• Love delights and rejoices in truth, and it fights evil. The truth is found in God and in his word. Evil is all around us, but God equips us to fight it. Living out a godly marriage is a battle, but one worth waging, especially knowing that God is with you in the fight.

 

• Love protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. A godly marriage is to be marked by protecting your spouse and your relationship, trusting them and trusting God, hoping in his goodness for your life, and persevering through all the ups and downs.

 

• Love never fails, since according to 1 John 4:8, “God is love.” Ultimately our hope, trust, and our faith is in God who will never fail. Our spouse will let us down and our marriage will not be perfect, but God’s love will endure forever. We can love our spouse with this kind of love because God has loved us first.
  
  

Conclusion: A Godly Marriage 

• The love, trust, companionship, and partnership found in the unique relationship of marriage can be one of God’s greatest earthly blessings. It’s something so many of us long for, and it can be elusive.
  
  
  • Sin has infiltrated every part of the world, especially marriage. Rather than a beautiful union filled with love, joy, and peace, it too often devolves into a place of tremendous struggle, pain, and disappointment.

 

• It need not be this way, however, especially not for Christians who know God, his word, and his love. Those of us who have put our faith in him can turn to him and his word to help us live out a marriage that is the picture of the Gospel that it was meant to be.

 

• Ecclesiastes tells us of the great blessing of having a helper by our side. Two are better than one, Solomon tells us, because one can lift the other when they fall. One can keep the other warm at night. One can defend the other when under attack.

 

• This partnership is most beautifully displayed within a marriage where spouses have each other’s backs. They help each other, protect each other, comfort each other, and serve each other. They love each other fiercely, sacrificially, and completely.

 

• It is not good for man, or woman, to be alone, so God made marriage.